Strength and Gentleness: A Father’s Gift
Recently I came across a story about elephants in Africa. A group of young bull elephants were behaving wildly; acting out of character, aimlessly destructive, even violent. Park rangers discovered that all the older bull elephants in the area had either died or been poached. With no elders around, the young males roamed unchecked.
The solution was strikingly simple. Rangers flew in several older bulls from other areas. Within weeks, the chaos ended. The older elephants did not need to do much; just a flap of the ears, a stern trumpet, or a mock charge and the younger bulls quickly learned what proper elephant behaviour looked like. All they needed, it seemed, was the steady presence of a role model.
It is a vivid reminder that boys, too, do not simply “work out” how to become good men. They need guidance. They need mothers, fathers, teachers, uncles, coaches, grandparents, and family friends who by their words, actions and boundaries help them rehearse and shape their masculinity.
The healthiest boys I know are raised in a balance of unconditional love and firm limits. Love tells them they are cherished, no matter what. Limits tell them that not everything is acceptable and that there are boundaries which safeguard them and others. When a boy bumps up against those limits, he may resist in the moment, but deep down he feels safe. He knows the grown-ups are in charge and he can rely on their strength.
I hold a deep conviction that this work of raising boys is not done by one person alone. Mothers are so often the backbone of family life; steadfast in their love, sacrifice and daily presence. Alongside them, many fathers today are more emotionally involved and present in their children’s lives than in past generations and our boys are richer for it. And where a father may be absent, other significant male figures such as grandfathers, stepfathers, uncles and mentors often step in with a guiding presence that can be life-changing.
As we celebrate Father’s Day, I want to honour and thank the fathers and father-figures in our community. Through their patience, humour, restraint, kindness and generosity, they model qualities that are not only desirable but deeply admirable. In doing so, they help shape our boys into healthy, well-grounded young men who others enjoy being around, who give generously to their community and who thrive as individuals marked by both strength and gentleness.
Happy Father’s Day.
Matthew Hutchison
Headmaster
